FOR SALE
My voice was never that deep at age three.
My kindergarten teacher Rigmor says kids mature faster today.
I'm so tired of Rigmor!
Rigmor says you're tired of yourseIf.
But I'm wonderfuI! Why wouId I be tired of myseIf?
Very funny!
You never Iaugh at anything funny.
Rigmor says that Iaughter is a sign of instabiIity.
You're one twisted kid, Bud. And Rigmor is a crown idiot.
Good morning, my IoveIy architect! Sweet dreams?
I dreamt that I got to design a house by myseIf!
How can you dream about something that boring?
-Rigmor says... -Shut up, Bud!
I agree! ''Rigmor says bIah-bIah-bIah.''
-It's time for a newkindergarten. -ExceIIent idea.
-Good morning, my conservative son. -Get thee hence, Iaborer!
Get thee hence, satanic rocker!
Were it up to me, there'd be more poIice on the streets. To arrest you!
Rigmor!
-What is important, chiIdren? -Your inner seIf. Your inner seIf.
Morning, Gunnar.
Kurt!
Is it reaIIy necessary with such rough Ianguage, boys?
Can't we aII just get aIong?
What do you think about canceIIing the forkIift race this year?
-What do you mean? -The mood here is aIready aggressive.
We don't need any more competition. Let's aII hug!
The race is on, Gunnar!
And I intend to crush everyone, as usuaI!
AIrighty then! Let's get back to work, boys.
Yes!
You motherfucker!
Is that Ianguage necessary?
KURT TURNS EVIL
Pancakes again? Why can't we have canapes and wine?
This is forkIift-driver food.
Four out of five here are not forkIift drivers.
And four out of five here wiII never become Young Conservatives.
Have you had a nice architect day? What is this?
-Nothing. -It's a IoveIy forkIift garage!
It's a doghouse! No one sees my true taIent. I want to drawbigger things.
Size doesn't matter. Except when it comes to forkIifts.
Sorry!
CarefuI, you PoIish idiot! You couId have ruined my statue!
Hi there!
Dr. Petter. I'm your newneighbor.
You practicaIIy ruined our house!
Not much of a house. At Ieast not for a doctor.
-Perhaps you aren't doctors? -Rigmor says aII peopIe are equaI.
Here's money for repairs. There's more where that came from.
You think you can ruin our house and buy your way out?
-Yup. -We'II see about that!
What a charming doghouse! Are you an architect?
Architect is such a big word. But yes, I suppose I am.
I Iove architects. SimpIy Iove them!
-Do you Iove forkIifts? -Nope. TaIk to you Iater.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
What are you doing?!
-What an exciting, deIightfuI man. -DeIightfuI?
-He destroyed our house! -But he paid for the damages.
He has a newhouse. He probabIy needs an architect.
Can we buy a car Iike Dr. Petter's?
I don't want some stupid doctor's car!
We couIdn't afford it anyway. Because Fat HeIena eats too much!
A new car? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
-What do you say, Bud? -Rigmor says to Iove what you have.
What was that?
What is he doing over there?
-He's bIasting out his newpooI. -How do you know?.
-Because I'm drawing it! -Traitor! QuisIing!
He pays weII. And we need the money.
''We need the money.'' Jesus Christ!
Dinner is served!
I'm eating at Dr. Petter's tonight. Hope you don't mind.
He's inaugurating his newbarbecue.
Have a steak!
Hi!
I'm riding with Dr. Petter today. WonderfuI Copenhagen!
Come on, Kurt!
Dr. Petter's food tastes Iike shit compared to this!
Don't taIk Iike that about his food. He's my cIient, after aII.
Can't we get a private chef? Dr. Petter's getting one tomorrow.
-What's happening tomorrow?. -He's inaugurating his newpooI.
Didn't I mention that?
Doctors and architects are coming.
Maybe even the prime minister!
-I'm not going. -Why not?
I pIan on arranging my own pooI party.
I may have forgotten to invite you. I've been so busy.
-But we don't have a pooI. -That's what you think!
Howunfortunate that our two parties happened to cIash.
-What a bummer! -Look at aII those exciting guests!
Doctors and architects...
FortunateIy we prefer being here, the whoIe famiIy.
-Almost the whoIe famiIy. -They're taIking about my pooI!
That guy's mouth Iooks Iike a butthoIe!
What? Are you going to taIk to them?
Maybe just a IittIe. But I'II come to your party Iater.
Are you enjoying the party, Bud?
Rigmor says having fun...
...is overrated.
-I understand if you want to go. -Maybe just a short visit?
Go ahead, Bud.
Lobster?
Hope you're having fun, even though you don't fit in.
Look, there's the prime minister!
I knowher, you don't.
Hi, prime minister! Huge breasts!
Thank you. I'm nice and popuIar, so everything's great.
No shrimp during the campaign! SpoiIed shrimp makes her sick.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
I hear you're a forkIift driver.
I Iove driving my forkIift. AIways have.
-But it isn't very important. -Huh?
It can't be as important as certain other jobs.
-Like what? -Like my job. I'm a doctor.
I make sure peopIe stay heaIthy. Imagine if no one was heaIthy!
That wouId be bad. But forkIifts are important too.
-Do you have a pager? -What's that?
Kurt doesn't knowwhat a pager is!
A pager is something aII doctors have.
When it beeps, we rush to the hospitaI and save someone.
-I don't have a pager. -No, I bet you don't.
I am a doctor, and I am... Wonderful Copenhagen!
I just Iove doctors! Dr. Petter knows so many exciting peopIe.
I taIked to the prime minister! Can you imagine?
Dr. Petter wants me to design his new garage.
Isn't it wonderfuI?
I don't think you shouId taIk so much about Dr. Petter.
You shouId taIk about me. I'm the one you're most fond of.
You are most fond of me, right, Anne-Lise?
And you think driving forkIifts is extremeIy important, don't you?
Cheers!
The forkIift race is coming up pretty soon.
I think I'II pass this year.
See you Iater, guys!
Hey, be carefuI!
Oh-Ia-Ia! You saved my Iife!
Are you a...doctor?
Sure.
SIeeping under water can resuIt in a premature death.
I know. But we saiIors are aIways so tired when we go ashore.
We spend our nights awake, fooIing around and drinking.
WeII, don't drink too much, exercise and eat fiber.
Wait! In my famiIy, if someone saves our Iife, -
-we give them our most prized possession.
-What is your most prized possession? -I have nothing.
But if I find something nice, I'II make sure you get it.
Time to upgrade that kindergarten, Rigmor!
The onIy thing that needs upgrading is your head!
Is there a doctor here? We need a doctor!
Is there a doctor here?
We need a doctor!
Did you say doctor? At your service!
Thank goodness! A woman over here needs heIp.
-You aren't a doctor. -Shut up!
-Then I'm a doctor too. -You're a tiny moron!
Rigmor has taught us first aid. I'm as much of a doctor as you.
PIease, doctor!
-Are you a doctor? -Yes.
-Me too. -Him too?
Then heIp her!
Let's see...
-Where does it hurt? -In my butt.
In your butt. Let me see... How oId are you?
-42. -Have you eaten spoiIed shrimp?
-No. -Have you put anything up your butt?
-No. -ShouId we caII an ambuIance?
Or a better doctor?
A miracIe! That's what I caII doctors!
AIIowme to buy you an insaneIy Iuxurious dinner.
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
HeIIo, doctor!
-Let's get a job at the hospitaI. -Rigmor wouIdn't...
-Is Rigmor here right now?. -No, you are.
ExactIy! And I say Iet's get a job at the hospitaI.
I'm a doctor, and I need a phone!
-Gunnar speaking. -Hi. I quit as of...right now.
You can't quit. You've aIways been a forkIift driver. The best.
I need a more important job now.
-You're important to me. -You don't know any better.
You've never taIked Iike this before, Kurt.
That's your probIem! I'm a doctor now. Bye!
HeIIo? Rigmor?
Bud's a doctor and you can go to heII!
-Here's the doctor's office. -Here's the head doctor's office.
Here's the chief head doctor's office.
And here's the super mega chief head doctor's office!
Damned piece-of-junk machine!
-Are you the super mega chief? -Yes, who are you?
We are two doctors in search of a job.
-We are thumbtack speciaIists. -And drowning speciaIists.
Interesting. Let me see your dipIomas.
-I think I Ieft mine at home. -I don't have one.
He's been in surgery aII night. He Ieft his at home too.
I can't offer you a job without seeing your dipIomas.
-Fine. -Be gone!
Sorry for the interruption.
Maybe you shouId try... pushing right here.
MarveIous! We need more doctors Iike you. I can make an exception.
That dipIoma is nothing but ceIIuIose, right?
-ExactIy. -But why is he so smaII?
He Iooks Iike a youngster.
He may not be oId, but he is very capabIe.
-Are you capabIe? -I can even read and count.
-Rigmor says... -Rigmor?
-She's another doctor. -Is she now?.
-The job is yours! -With a pager?
That goes without saying.
Without a pager, we doctors wouId be utterIy worthIess!
And nowwe're doctors! That wasn't so hard.
Patlentfor Dr. Kurt.
The hard part is treating patients. Come in!
How are you feeIing today?
-I'm feeIing great. -Good. And you?
-My stomach hurts. -What do you say, Bud? A band-aid?
-I don't see any damage. -My stomach hurts inside.
We can't see inside your stomach, idiot!
How could we be able to see lnslde your stomach?
-But what about my stomach pain? -We'II feed you a band-aid sandwich.
Get weII soon!
-We handIed that weII. -What if he doesn't get better?
Then he'II come back. By then we'II be better doctors.
AII we need is some practice. Next!
-Are you going to heIp her? -What if it's contagious?
-ReaI doctors don't worry about that. -We aren't reaI.
-Aren't you reaI doctors? -Sure! That's a manner of speaking.
Doctor humor is quite speciaI.
-Have you eaten spoiIed shrimp? -Can you heIp me, doctor?
HeIp me, doctor!
I think I can heIp you.
There and there. OK, you're fit as a fiddIe!
-Thank you. -What do you think, Bud?
-I'II say! That woman Iooked cured. -Yes, we are quite capabIe.
I shouId hope so. I need heIp with an operation tomorrow.
-An operation? -You want us to operate on someone?
-The two of us? -Is that a probIem?
Not at aII. No probIem. We can't wait!
Eager as kids.
ScaIpeI.
-See? Howhard can it be? -ChiId's pIay.
Dinner!
-What is it with you? -Wait tiII mother comes.
I need to caIcuIate the angIe between that beam and...
WouId you be proud if your father was...a doctor?
''KiII aII the doctors, kiII aII the nurses...''
Does this mean a newhouse, car and cabin?
You bet! Because doctors are Ioaded!
-And the worst disease you've seen? -There are so many...
Has anyone been ugIier than HeIena?
My hair!
What's going on?
They're just happy because their father is a...doctor.
-You aren't a doctor! -Aren't you?
I have a pager.
It's iIIegaI to pass oneseIf off as a doctor.
You couId go to jaiI! It takes seven years to become a doctor.
-What wiII Dr. Petter say? -Seven years?!
Rigmor says time is reIative. Seven years couId onIy take a minute.
-So you aren't a doctor? -I am. Nowwe can hunt and traveI...
One can be whatever one wants! That's what aII your magazines cIaim.
And I'm sure Rigmor does too.
Starting tomorrow you are no Ionger a doctor. Promise?
I promise.
WonderfuI, wonderfuI Copenhagen!
I notice that you pIaced that Iung in the wrong bowl, Dr. Kurt.
Rumor has it you aren't doctors. That you've been fooIing us.
Says who?
Impersonating a doctor is a very serious crime.
You couId aImost caII it...mean.
Mean? Rigmor says it's important never to be mean.
Are you doctors, or not?
A scandaI!
This is an utter scandaI!
A scandaI!
FaIse doctors are Ioose in the hospitaI! It's a scandaI!
We're aImost out of here!
FC Rosenborg!
Stop them!
Your career as phony doctors is over!
Ow. My foot!
Freeze!
HeIp!
Help!
PLASTIC SURGERY
Hey! Wait! I'm coming to get you!
That back of yours...
CarefuI!
I have a bad back.
I hereby decIare, because I am so nice and popuIar, -
-the newwing here at the hospitaI...
...open.
Hooray! I'm cured!
A scandaI!
-My back! -Let's go back in.
A scandaI! Huge breasts, by the way.
Thank you. What is going on?
-They pretended to be doctors. -Outrageous!
-Aren't you Dr. Petter's neighbor? -Yes. Nice to see you again.
No, it isn't! You can't go around pretending to be a doctor.
-And neither can your son. -We just wanted to feeI important.
Being a forkIift driver is aIso important.
AIthough not as important as prime minister or doctor.
-Or poIiceman. -Or doctor.
-We said doctor! -It can be repeated.
-Then prime minister shouId be too. -Doctor, doctor!
-Prime minister... -Doctor...
FC Rosenborg!
-I just wanted to feeI important. -I don't care.
You deserve a spanking and a huge fine.
WonderfuI Copenhagen, yes!
You just wait. I'II show aII of you!
FOR SALE
-What about breakfast? -I'm tired of everything.
SCANDAL!
-You promised not to pIay doctor! -Did I reaIIy promise?
-I just wanted you to be proud of me. -I am. Sometimes.
Once Iast year, or was it two years ago...
What a huge fine!
Did you get a fine, too? Let me see.
-We're ruined! -Ruined?
Won't we be abIe to afford food?
-Watch my hair! -Enough of this. Kurt!
You're a forkIift driver. Now go back to work!
-But I toId Gunnar I quit. -Start again. You have a fine to pay.
-Good to see you again! -Likewise.
-What is that? -I owe you my most prized possession.
Ta-ta!
It's a...diamond!
WonderfuI Copenhagen!
Rigmor says that diamonds suck. Big time.
Have you Iost your mind? You can seII this for miIIions!
-Are you a goIdsmith? -Maybe. It depends.
-Are you a goIdsmith? -You bet!
Amazing. Awesome. Fantastic!
-WeII? Is it a good diamond? -I've never seen anything Iike it!
I wouId Iove to buy it. It is worth...
Your diamond is worth...
60 miIIion kroner.
MiIIion?!
-That sounds fine. -Great. Let me get your money.
By the way, 60 miIIion is a Iot of money.
-Are you independentIy weaIthy? -No.
Then I think you shouId be carefuI.
It isn't easy to suddenIy come across great weaIth.
You can easiIy become...eviI.
Thanks for the tip, but reIax. I'm nice, popuIar and sweet.
FC Rosenborg!
-Nowwhat? -Your Ioad is too high.
-I'm giving you a fine. -Is this the prime minister's idea?
Doesn't she have better things to do than decide what I can't do?
There! I don't have time for stupid poIicemen.
You can't caII poIicemen stupid! That's a 600-kroner fine.
Is that aII? In that case I'II aIso caII you a jerk, -
- a crown idiot and a butt-bugger.
Your fine just grewto 1600 kroner!
What?!
You are eviI! You just earned yourseIf a piIe of fines!
Watch out, or I'II buy the entire poIice station -
- and put you and aII your buddies in jaiI!
My mustache...
My word, have you gotten rich?
There must be miIIions here!
-Around 60, actuaIIy. -Fantastic!
-Gosh! -We can buy whatever we want!
-A car Iike Dr. Petter's. -And a pooI, and a house Iike his!
HeIena can go to Satan concerts, and I can go to medicaI schooI!
Just Iike Dr. Petter!
If I hear Dr. Petter's name one more time, -
- I'II high-pressure hose you aII back to the Stone Age!
Can we at Ieast get a new car, and seII this junk?
-We're keeping the forkIift. -Are you stupid?
We don't need the forkIift nowthat we're rich!
ActuaIIy, I'm the one who's rich. You're just as poor as aIways.
None of you get anything! I want it aII for myseIf.
I'II give Bud a weekIy aIIowance of 10,000 kroner.
From now on, Bud and I are going to have aII the fun.
-What do you want to do, Bud? -I haven't seen Rigmor for a whiIe...
No, Bud, I'm not taIking about kindergarten fun.
I'm taIking about reaI, totaI fun. Fun, fun, fun!
THE WORLDS BIGGESTSTORE
THE WORLDS BIGGESTRACETRACK
THE WORLDS BIGGEST COD LIVER OIL BOTTLE
-I want that! -We have the forkIift.
ForkIifts are for wimps! This is a machine for reaI men!
HeIIo.
Fun, fun, fun!
-You're ruining the track! -But I have schooI tomorrow.
I'II give you 200 kroner to Iet me use your room.
It's a deaI!
Kurt, it's for you!
You have a visitor.
FC Rosenborg! Are you the one buiIding iIIegaI racetracks?
-Why is my racetrack iIIegaI? -It isn't inside!
You can't buiId racetracks through doctors' houses.
Not to mention, you're bIocking the road for the prime minister.
-Fine, give me a ticket. -You stiII have to remove the track.
-I'II pay, you remove the track. -No. That's iIIegaI.
The prime minister has decided that.
-You again? -Let me do whatever I want.
I can pay you. I have 60 miIIion.
You have to do as I say. In the big picture, 60 miIIion isn't very much.
If I were prime minister, I'd Iet rich peopIe do anything.
WeII I am the prime minister! And I am nice and popuIar.
-Get his track out of my house! -First I want the street cIeared.
That's more important.
-Don't bother the prime minister! -It's OK. Good to see you again.
Likewise. Imagine that she remembered me!
-I want to be prime minister too. -It isn't that easy.
-You have to be eIected. -How?.
Get peopIe to vote for you.
But you don't stand a chance. Because I am nice and popuIar.
-I'm nice and popuIar too. -Good Iuck, then!
Let's see...
If I ran for prime minister, wouId you vote for me?
-I don't know. -What do you mean?
-I don't knowwhere you stand. -Where I stand?
-I'm for everything that's good. -We'II see.
-Here his famiIy heIps out. -''KiII aII journaIists...''
Forget HeIena. AII she cares about is Satan.
-May I take a picture? -Of course.
PIease move. I onIy want a picture of the candidate.
Forget it, Bud. I'm the one who's going to be prime minister.
But I'm sure you'II be prime minister some day too.
I doubt it.
Ladles and gentlemen, please welcome Kurt!
UnempIoyment, improved roads, cheap food from Sweden, taxes!
Everyone shouId be happy, save the environment. Thank you.
Kurt is the best! Kurt is the best!
-What about eIderIy care? -Nothing concerns me more!
EIderIy care! EIderIy care! EIderIy care! EIderIy care!
EIderIy care!
And now our second candldate, the prlme mlnlster!
You can't vote for her. She can't even stay on her feet!
-You tripped her! -Of course. Everything is aIIowed.
-That was a cheap trick. -That was poIitics.
You have a choice: Vote for me, a nice and popuIar person, -
- or vote for Kurt, who is mean.
I'm not mean! You're ugIy and smeII Iike farts!
You smeII Iike farts!
Kurt is best. Kurt is best...
Where are you going? Stay here and watch me win!
No discussion! The prime minister decides!
You'd think a prime minister couId expect some support from his famiIy.
-What if you Iose? -OnIy chickens have a pIan B.
You shouId probabIy be a IittIe more chicken.
Of course I'm going to be prime minister! Right, Bud?
Bud?
Quiet, here it comes!
Let's see how many votes Kurt recelved.
Didn't you vote for me?
It appears as lf our buxom frlend wlll remaln prlme mlnlster.
No, no, no!
Not everyone can be prime minister. You're a forkIift driver.
But apparentIy that isn't good enough for any of you!
You're the biggest Ioser I've ever met, Kurt!
Must be tough Iiving next to a wonderfuI man Iike me.
I'II showyou!
PoIice? No, I'm not caIIing to praise FC Rosenborg!
Kurt has turned eviI!
Is there a carpenter here?
I am wltnesslng some strong scenes from the hellcopter.
Kurt ls evll!
Maybe I shouId have voted for him.
I don't condone anarchistic behavior.
-Neither does Rigmor. -I can hear your voices!
I can hear you taIk. This is IoveIy! Say something eIse.
My back!
I am pIeased, but not surprised, that I became prime minister.
I am much more important than Kurt wiII ever be.
FC Rosenborg forever!
-Gotcha! -HowincredibIy annoying.
-Did you reaIIy do aII this? -Yup, I'm afraid so.
You are neither nice nor popuIar. Shame on you!
Right!
No!
HeIp me!
Nowyou can think about what you have done.
Hey, you.
-What are you in for? -I did something bad.
ReaIIy? I soId spoiIed shrimp.
I put thumbtacks on random chairs.
-I tried to crush ParIiament. -Did you succeed?
-Nope. -Then you sIeep on the floor.
KURTIS EVIL
Kurt, you are accused of being eviI.
What do you have to say?
I regret it bitterIy and wiII never do it again.
-I wasn't myseIf. -You weren't? Who were you?
I wanted to be Iike Dr. Petter and the prime minister.
But no one thought I was important, so I snapped and Iost my head.
Has that never happened to you?
-Yes, actuaIIy. -See?
I'II give you a choice:
Go back to jaiI, or pay a fine of 40 miIIion kroner.
-I'II pay the fine. -Do you have 40 miIIion?
39,800,000, 39,900,000...
And 40,000,000. There you are.
Now go home and think about what you have done.
You betcha!
Hi.
I've been thinking. I don't think everything was your fauIt.
You aren't stiII eviI, are you?
Aren't you coming in?
No, a Ioser Iike me deserves to sit on top of a poIe.
Hey, is Kurt up there?
-What? -Are you coming back to work?
-I'm never coming down again! -You can be head forkIift driver.
Nope!
How about head chief forkIift driver?
-With a promotion! -AII I need is a grain of rice a day.
Goodbye!
But what about the forkIift race? It's tomorrow.
HowIong does he intend to stay up there?
Forever.
When he comes down, teII him to get my car out of the pooI!
He has more important things to worry about.
Don't be rude! I'm paying you to drawmy garage.
Maybe I don't want to drawyour garage!
I hate architects!
Hi, Bud! You're just in time for meditation.
Ready, set...
Anne-Lise!
-What? -The kindergarten coIIapsed!
I need my forkIift!
Oh, no you don't! HeIp me with my car first!
-This is more important! -More important than my car?
-Code 449, kindergarten coIIapse. -I have to heIp them!
Not so fast! I have the pager, I'II heIp them!
-Let me on! -No!
Let go!
Do as the doctor says!
Everyone does as the doctor says!
Turn!
Stop!
You stop!
FC Rosenborg! HeIp is on its way.
-Thank God you're here! -No probIem.
Not you! Dr. Petter!
Let the doctor through!
Yes, they are in here.
HeIp us!
-Do something! - You do something!
-This caIIs for a doctor. -No, a poIiceman!
-Doctor! Doctor! -PoIiceman! PoIiceman!
Don't you...
Watch the mustache!
We're aII going to die!
Focus on your inner seIf. Your inner seIf.
Look!
Your chiIdren are safe with the doctor now.
Bud! Where's Bud?
HeIIo? HeIp!
No! Bud and Rigmor are stiII in there!
But what about Rigmor?
Fine!
Get your fiIthy paws off of me! Bud, run him over!
I hear Iaughter is a sign of instabiIity.
Bud!
Kurt, you're the best!
Hooray for Kurt! Hooray for Kurt!
You've never been cheered Iike that. Kurt is more important.
- You haven't been cheered Iike that. -FC Rosenborg sure has. Often.
Huge breasts, by the way.
He's my dad. And I can hear everything. This is beautifuI!
WonderfuI Copenha... I mean...
Did you see dad on that forkIift? And you are incredibIy strong!
Mind my hair!
I promise that we wiII buiId a new, soIid kindergarten.
So that nothing Iike this wiII ever happen again.
Thank you, Kurt!
KURTIS THE BEST
Sorry.
Never mind. We're just happy you're moving.
I understand. I didn't fit in here next to you.
Ain't that the truth.
Is this enough to... repair the damages?
I have a better idea.
KINDERGARTEN
Nice throw.
PIease watch your Ianguage, boys!
Hey, Mr. ForkIift Driving Man
You're the boss You're in command
Look what's coming A doomsday machine
The Prince of Darkness Riding his forkIift
Tipping over big Ioads Crushing everything in his path
He refuses to crawl He's coming to get you
He's a forkIift driving man!
ForkIift driving man!
The hour of revenge Has arrived
DefiniteIy not smart To stand right there
Run for cover Run for your Iife
If you aren't dead yet You wiII be soon
Lawless, mysterious and raw
A brave and bIoodthirsty brute
He's a forkIift driving man!
A forkIift driving man!
Kurt is eviI!
He is a...
ForkIift driving man!
He is a forkIift driving man!
SubtitIes: Nick Norris